3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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