and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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