she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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