wrigley field is MILF paradise
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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