I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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