The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
