tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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