And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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