We won't sleep together?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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