3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
