someone owes me an orgasm
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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