8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
