You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
