Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
