yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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