it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
