She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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