I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize