I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you win again, gameday.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
