she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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