when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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