There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
