I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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