i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
