You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
