No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
