I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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