I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
