If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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