I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
