all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
