I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
