He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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