Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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