At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
