she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
