Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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