dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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