I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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