Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
