my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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