I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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