literally had 100 drinks last night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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