i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
