I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
