We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
