It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
