Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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