New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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