okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
