Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
