i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
