Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
