Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
