drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
