I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
