highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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