I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
