And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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