life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
