morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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