All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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