Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I want is dick and wine.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
