So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
