i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
