The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
